My Companion Only Ever Talks About Herself: Is It Time to Cut Her Off?

We've been friends for over two decades, who has overcome many hardships, and I respect her for that. Yet, she's often blindsided in relationships. Her partner walked away, which came as a massive blow. A lot of her friends vanished at that point, since they had been drawn to the spouse. It shocked her. She made more effort in our friendship, and must have realised more acutely the meaning of companionship.

Ongoing Issues In Relationships

Throughout this period, several close to her have disappeared and she isn't knowing the cause. Her previous job turned on her, despite the fact that she was highly competent, her exit happened not understanding the reason for the change.

Present Situation

Recently, both of us left the workforce and are seeing each other more, yet I realize my role in the relationship is to listen. I introduce subjects only for her to redirect conversation onto her own topics. In terms of politics, she has strong opinions. My effort is to propose verifying facts and alternate views.

She is planning a holiday to a nation I know well many times even called home for a while. I attempted to offer insights, however, my input met with resistance. She purely solely sought me to confirm her plans. I have come back from a month in that country she is eager to catch up, yet I'm reluctant.

Considering the Choices

I hesitate to act as a friend that walks away abruptly, however, I feel she'll truly comprehend the impact of her actions on my confidence. At this point, I find myself in avoidance mode. What's the best step?

Possible Paths

It's possible to end things abruptly, yet this is not often a smooth outcome we hope for. But confrontation with the goal of resolution requires bravery and openness on both your parts.

Therapists recommend applying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Initially involves describing what typically happens when you talk. Aim for this to be objective and clear and essentially what a recording device would replay. The second involves sharing the way it makes you feel. There should be no argument on this point. Your feelings belong to you, of course. Step three is to question how the two of you going to change the pattern between you."

Keep in mind your friend has a point of view, thus requiring you to remain ready to acknowledge it. A helpful technique is telling your friend:

"Now you talk and I'm going to remain silent for 30 minutes."
It's wildly impactful in fostering better communication.

Closing Considerations

Your friend might reject all you say, for those who cling to a “survival narrative”: they rely on a narrative about themselves they're unable to release because their very survival is tied to it being the only thing they've known. This is difficult as there is no thoroughfare here, mere obstacles. But she may initially present defensively and then think about what you've said. If a resolution isn't found an agreement, you'll have satisfaction from having been open and direct.

Rita Davis
Rita Davis

Elara is a seasoned journalist and digital content creator with a passion for uncovering stories that matter.