The Advice given by My Dad That Helped Us when I became a Brand-New Parent

"In my view I was just just surviving for the first year."

Former reality TV personality Ryan Libbey expected to handle the demands of becoming a dad.

But the actual experience quickly proved to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Serious health complications around the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into becoming her primary caregiver in addition to looking after their infant son Leo.

"I handled all the nights, every nappy change… every walk. The duty of mother and father," Ryan stated.

Following eleven months he reached burnout. It was a chat with his own dad, on a park bench, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward phrases "You're not in a good spot. You need support. What can I do to support you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and start recovering.

His experience is commonplace, but rarely discussed. Although the public is now more comfortable talking about the stress on mums and about post-natal depression, less is said about the difficulties new fathers face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan thinks his struggles are symptomatic of a larger inability to talk amongst men, who continue to internalise damaging notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and remains standing with each wave."

"It isn't a sign of weakness to request help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, notes men often don't want to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - particularly ahead of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental state is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the space to ask for a pause - spending a short trip away, outside of the family home, to gain perspective.

He came to see he had to make a change to consider his and his partner's emotions as well as the day-to-day duties of taking care of a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -holding her hand and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has transformed how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotional life and understand his decisions as a father.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen lacked consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "incredible" connection with his dad, long-standing trauma resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "terrible choices" when younger to alter how he felt, finding solace in drink and drugs as an escape from the pain.

"You turn to things that aren't helpful," he notes. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Tips for Managing as a New Father

• Open up to someone - when you are swamped, confide in a family member, your spouse or a counsellor how you're feeling. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the pursuits that made you feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. It could be going for a run, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical health - nutritious food, physical activity and when you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is doing.
• Spend time with other new dads - listening to their stories, the messy ones, along with the joys, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help is not failure - looking after your own well-being is the best way you can care for your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead offer the stability and nurturing he lacked.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - processing the feelings safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men because they faced their pain, transformed how they communicate, and taught themselves to control themselves for their children.

"I'm better… dealing with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, on occasion I believe my role is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but actually, it's a exchange. I am discovering just as much as you are on this path."